Thursday, May 6, 2021

Self Portrait

"I write when I'm inspired,"

A statement frequently whispered.

From the perspective of others

I have often narrated 

On love, betrayal, uncertainty and hope.


May 5, 1989

The first chapter of my book

Each chapter 365 pages

Sometimes 366

Totalling aproximately 1-1-3-2-3 plus 1 pages

Today, a new chapter begins.

Chapter 32.


How do I become my own inspiration?

And with my canvas, brushes and paint

How can this story be told?

A story riddled with highs of

Love, peace, success, and laughter

Or reminiscent of scanty episodes of despair, heartbreak and trauma.


As my brush, dipped in paint 

Strokes the blank surface

The outline of my face appears

A circle- significant of the cycle of life

A reminder of continuity

A progression from the past, to the present and to the future yet to be encountered.


These brushes ever so softly create my eyes

Deep, dark, unending shadows

Dancing to the tune of comical mischief 

A reflection of a spirit that can never be quenched

The windows to my soul.


Next, my nose appears

Slightly spread and somewhat pointed

This feature stands erect above the rest

A confidence to be admired

Leading me to overcome the most difficult of tasks.


My lips, ever so supple

Heart-shaped and thin

Conceal the most beautiful smile

A smile that easily appears 

Effortlessly exhibiting joy while gracefully hiding pain.


Then, I see my crown

Strong, black locks of hair

Magnificently intertwined

Into strands that can never be broken

Like Samson, I'm a conqueror.


Finally, a rich, intense shade of brown

Colour of the earth, yet called black.

A hub of melanin, I am protected.

Often mistaken for a teen- I'm unbothered.

Why? Because 'Black don't crack.'

Because of my skin, I am often scorned

Nevertheless, I stand tall.


This is my self portrait 

A story about me, my life, my journey

Chapter 32 is one page long

I pray it's worth a tale.

Sunday, March 21, 2021

Love Grieves

 


I love love

I write about love

My go-to doodle word

I love love.

Yet, today, I've been betrayed.
By someone I truly loved.

By someone I said my vows to.

By someone I shared my body with.


Love is not an illusion 

And it's betrayal? Like a slow death.

There are lumps in my throat

My heart is heavy and it won't stop pounding

Blood pressure? Working overtime.

My stomach is in knots

It's stopped asking for food, for water.


Today, I am grieving.

It's like someone died.

I'm confused, I'm anxious, I'm scared

Scared of the unknown 

I don't know what to do

But still, I believe in love. 

Monday, March 15, 2021

Rose-Coloured Glasses

Please love me
Words of desperation?
Not exactly.
But rather, a longing
A yearning for yesterday
When I was your queen
Your pride, your joy
On your arm, you proudly wore me
Bright and new- for all the world to see.

I reminisce of time past
When I came before all else
When your best smile, thought and deed, for me were reserved
Of a time when peace, joy and laughter
Beautifully co-habited in a sacred place
Preserved exclusively for us
When love filled our hearts and intertwined our beings into a single existence.

With reckless abandon we exhibited our love
Our affection- boundless
In the world- the population was two
Number two- signifying me and you
Our world-complete-
The flame of our passion, inextinguishable
Like Simon and Daphne- for each other, we burned.

With the lapse of time and distance
A change happened
Seemingly non-existent at first
We brushed it off as dust on a warm harmattan day
Then the crevices became visible
Yet these were deemed insignificant
In denial, we built a garden of deception
Where we watered thorns that grew in the cracks of our love
To our garden we tended and with time it flourished
What a bloom! A perfect harvest of lies, tears and mistrust.

Then my rose-coloured glasses shattered
And with every tiny shard
My vision was restored.